by Dear Santa,
My name is Cody, and I am nine years old. I live in Abilene, Texas, where it is flat, it is hot, and my daddy says a man who can’t fix a fence doesn’t deserve to eat supper.
Dear Cody, your father is correct. A man who fixes fences understands that good things require maintenance, effort, and the occasional smashed thumb. This is a lesson that takes most people until their forties to learn. You are ahead of schedule.
I hope you and the reindeer are staying cool up at the North Pole. My grandma says it never gets above freezing up there, which sounds wonderful to me because it was 104 degrees here in June and our dog just sat in front of the air conditioner and refused to move for three days.
Tell your dog he is making excellent decisions. The North Pole is indeed cool, which the reindeer appreciate except for Blitzen, who grew up near a volcano and still complains about the cold. Nobody knows which volcano. We have stopped asking.
Santa, I have some important questions.
First, how do the reindeer handle flying over Texas? It is a very big state and my uncle says it takes six hours to drive across it, and that is if you do not stop for barbecue, which nobody ever manages.
Texas presents a significant operational challenge. The reindeer enjoy the airspace but the smell of barbecue below has caused three unscheduled altitude drops over the years. Dasher once attempted a landing outside of Lockhart. Mrs. Claus reviewed the flight logs and used language that I will not repeat at the North Pole.
Second, do you wear boots? Because if you are delivering presents in Texas, boots are required. My mama says you cannot be taken seriously in this state without proper footwear. She made my uncle go home and change before Thanksgiving dinner.
I keep a pair of good boots at the workshop specifically for Texas deliveries. They are red, naturally. I wore sneakers in 1987 and a rancher in Amarillo left me a strongly worded note. I have not made that mistake again.
Third, how do you know which kids have been naughty and which ones have been nice? Because my little sister says she is nice but she also fed my homework to the goat last Tuesday on purpose and then said it was an accident. It was not an accident, Santa. The goat doesn’t even live near my homework.
I am aware of the homework incident, Cody. My records are thorough. Your sister has been placed in a category I will describe as “complicated but not without hope.” The goat has not been categorized because animals operate under a separate system that is frankly much simpler.
Fourth, what does Mrs. Claus think about you being gone all night every Christmas Eve? My mama says if my daddy disappeared for a whole night once a year and came back smelling like cookies and chimney soot, there would be a serious conversation at breakfast.
Mrs. Claus and I have discussed this annually for several centuries. She manages the North Pole in my absence with considerable efficiency and, frankly, probably gets more done without me underfoot. When I return on Christmas morning she hands me a cup of coffee and a clipboard of things I did wrong. This is how strong partnerships work.
Fifth, I would like a new saddle, a real pocketknife, and if it is not too much trouble, a horse that doesn’t bite. The horse I have now bites. My daddy says that builds character. I have enough character.
A new saddle is noted. The pocketknife is under review based on your current record, which is mostly good. Regarding the horse: a horse that builds your character without your permission is doing important work. However, I hear you, and I have forwarded your concerns to the relevant department. Your character appears sufficiently developed for the moment.
I also have some follow-up questions.
Do the elves know anything about cattle?
One elf, Gerald, spent a summer in Montana and now considers himself an authority. He is wrong, but he is enthusiastic, which counts for something.
Has a reindeer ever refused to fly over a state?
Prancer once had opinions about New Jersey. We worked through it professionally.
Is the North Pole in a different time zone and how do you handle that on Christmas Eve?
Christmas Eve operates on its own timezone, which I invented, and which has never been approved by any international body. This has not slowed us down once in recorded history.
Do you ever get tired of wearing red? My daddy says a man ought to have more than one color in his wardrobe.
Your father raises a fair point. I tried green in 1931. The elves staged a formal protest. Red it is, forever.
And finally, my grandpa says hard work is the only thing nobody can ever take away from you. Is that true?
Your grandfather is one of the wisest people I have encountered through the mail system, and that list is longer than you might expect. He is exactly right. Money can be lost, luck runs out, and talent needs company to amount to anything. But the habit of working hard, showing up, doing the job well, and fixing the fence even when nobody is watching — that belongs to you and no one can touch it. Build that habit early, Cody. It is worth more than anything I carry in the sleigh.
Thank you for reading my letter, Santa. My mama helped me with the spelling but the questions are all mine. She said some of them were very good. She did not say which ones.
Tell your mama the questions were all very good. A child who asks honest questions and fixes fences and notices when the goat is being used as an alibi is exactly the kind of person Christmas is for. Merry Christmas, Cody. Wear your boots. Tip your hat. Do your work. And give that horse a little patience — he is also building your character whether either of you likes it or not.
Merry Christmas, Santa.
Your friend,
Cody Ray Hutchins
Abilene, Texas
P.S. My sister wants me to tell you she is sorry about the homework and the goat. She told me to write that. I am not saying whether I believe her.
I received the apology. I am also not saying whether I believe it. We will check back in December.
